Careening high above the skies, Professor Absalom Faust commands the Illiterati from his flying fortress, the Revelation. As a young boy Absalom loved to read books of every kind. But one day while playing baseball, he missed the game winning catch because he was reading "Bladder of Darkness." As the other fourth graders began to boo and pelt him with old juice boxes, a darkness began to spread into more than just his bladder. Henceforth Absalom determined that reading was the true enemy of all that is good. As the world's first professor of English Illiterature, he wrote a book (it was all pictures) called "Reeding Will Mayk U Dum" warning against the catastrophic dangers of allowing people to think independently. Charismatic, charming and sporting a well-groomed mustache, Absalom rallied support from around the globe in order to form the Illiterati. Their singular mission? To make books, nevermore. Armed with the Alpha and Omegaphone, Absalom is able to propel his voice to a distance and volume matching that of a thundering cannon, making the Professor's mode of literary assassination the most devious of them all. Because when the self-proclaimed "Glorious Leader" is feeling particularly naughty, he will fly aboard the Revelation and publically spoil the ending of whatever book he feels is in vogue. "Why would you do this?" the common people often ask. To which Absalom always responds "because reading is hard . . . and knowledge is power."
As the reigning queen of the criminal underworld, Persephone Vile and her guard dog Furberus rule the world of organized crime with an iron lollipop. Born into a family of criminal masterminds, Persephone Vile has been committed to a life of money laundering even while her diapers were still being laundered. So why did she choose a life of lawlessness instead of staying in grade school? Despite what the commercials claimed, she never did get "hooked on phonics" and absolutely abhorred all the colors of the "reading rainbow." Using her deceptively innocent cute force mixed with the ferocity and size of Furberus's brute force, the “Terrible Twosome” have been known to viciously shakedown any hapless connoisseur of written material. Readers unfortunate enough to get caught in her pint-sized hands always have to make a difficult choice: watch the pages of their book get slathered in sticky candy or witness their beloved reading material get eaten by Furberus.
As a young girl wanting nothing more than to play with all her cats all day, Minerva Fantine witnessed the brutal murder of her Christmas vacation at the cruel hands of her winter break homework. Declaring war on all forms of education, she determined that if she were ever in charge of a center for higher learning, there would be no homework—and no higher learning. When Minerva schemed and politicked her way into becoming Headmistress of Cheshire Academy for Talented Students (CATS for short), she did just that and got rid of homework, tests and grades and became an overnight hero among the student body. She became so popular that no one seemed to notice when the library hours were changed to Saturday mornings . . . when no one was at school. And no one seemed to bat an eye when she shut down the library altogether citing "low attendance" and "lack of interest." Strict, cold and smelling oddly of kitty litter, Minerva patrols the hallways in an effort to purge the world of written ideas. Should she catch you with a textbook, comic book or even a rude limerick, Minerva will happily introduce your literary contraband to her razor sharp cat gauntlets, which she has affectionately named "Claw and Order."
Years ago, Fiora Ironclad and her roommate were attempting to build a brand new armchair they had just purchased from a furniture store called IDEA. Bereft of the ability to read and guided by a poorly designed instruction manual, the two were driven to such frustration that their beloved pizza dinner eventually grew cold. Enraged by this betrayal most foul, Fiora scorched the cold pizza with a welding tool they just so happened to have lying around and then proceeded to go on a rampage incinerating instruction manuals, car repair guides, roller coaster blueprints, and all forms of instructional material. Armed with her modified welding tool, "The Pageburner 451", Fiora commits her arson upon the alphabet with extreme prejudice.
A Thousand and One Nights ago, Bastille Malvado discovered a treasure map filled with riddles and sailed his ship, "The Misadventure" to the end of the world in search of riches. But riches were never to be had because, with map in hand, Bastille smashed his ship into the shoreline after confusing the blue part for land and the green part for water. Staying true to its name, "The Misadventure" sunk to the bottom of the ocean and Bastille quickly realized that he was unable to read maps . . . or anything for that matter. As a poor and broken man, he bet his last doubloon on a spelling bee. In the first round he was asked to spell "another word for ocean" and he said "C" and the crowd erupted into laughter. Ridiculed and shamed, Malvado knew that the only healthy way to deal with his embarrassment was to . . . casually resort to a life of piracy and skullduggery. Embittered against maps and all written materials, Bastille pillages and papercuts all who stand in his way. His mode of brutalizing books? Repeatedly stabbing them with his "Cccccccutlass of the Seven C's".
Kim is from South Koreander, where she developed a crush on a handsome man named Hahn Seom. Kim was the shy, quiet girl who always sat in the back of class. Hahn was the most popular guy in school. Kim learned that Hahn was a foodie, so she decided to put all of her spare time into cooking in the hope that he would notice her. They eventually became friends and started dating. Kim was so happy! Her dream had finally come true. That is... until she found out that Hahn had a terminal illness. She left South Koreander and decided she would open her own restaurant to make herself feel happy again.
Kim respects Angus and is good friends with Gohan. She has an awkward, mutually passive aggressive relationship with Gardena, yet respects her for her hard work.
Gardena is the President and Director of VEGANA (which stands for Vegans Eat Greens And Not Animals). She was raised by helicopter parents in a GMO-free, body positive, socially conscious, screen-free, multi-lingual, multi-story, multigrain home. She is open-minded to all ideas (except those she disagrees with). Her passion project at the moment is advocating against the consumption of animals.
She is the sworn enemy of Biff. But believe it or not, at one point, they dated and nearly got married. That is... until Biff accidentally fed Gardena a salad with a non-vegan cucumber (also known as a sausage). Gardena responded the next day by making him an organic whole wheat tofuburger. And they have been enemies ever since.
Gardena wants to bury Biff’s restaurant in the ground... and also slip some veggies into his lunch if she can. She also has an awkward yet mutually respectful relationship with Kim.
Gohan descends from an ancient line of samurai chefs, legendary for their feats of heroism and cookery. As a young boy, he grew up in a Cooking Dojo called the Rising Sun, where he learned from the grandmaster Sushimoto. There he mastered techniques such as Explosive Dynamite Roll and Thousand Crane One Pot Casserole. All was well until one day, cockroaches were discovered in the dojo kitchen. Gohan knew it was a set up, but the Rising Sun was still shut down and the honor of their once proud dojo was tarnished.
Gohan now cooks to restore the honor of his home and to find the one who assassinated his master’s culinary pride.
Gohan has a deep respect for Angus and secretly has a thing for Kim. His archnemesis is Mortimer.
Fuego has always believed that with a good attitude, and the right haircut, you can do anything. In the words of Fuego, “Education is unnecessary and only suitable for uncool, not very beautiful people.” Due to his younger days as a male model, he is known as the heartthrob of Mixico, the Flame of Teajuana, and the Most Intriguing Man in the World. Fuego uses his incredible charm and good looks to sweet talk, finagle and beguile himself through any situation. No matter what kind of shenanigans he finds himself in, people cannot help but be mesmerized by his charismatic, winsome personality and his exotic, Latin accent. One time, Fuego was pulled over for a speeding ticket, but using only words, he somehow convinced the female officer to repeal the ticket, meet him for dinner, and ride off with him into the sunset. No one’s really sure if Fuego is actually a good cook, but he makes the food sound so delicious that people are convinced that it’s amazing. Frankly, Fuego is in it for the fame.
Most chefs find Fuego to be enchantingly charming, but some find him nearly irresistible. Gardena and Phyllis are founding members of the Fuego Fan Club.
Lovehandles hasn’t seen his feet for six years. His rotund belly serves as an all-purpose pillow, airbag, and lapdesk. When traveling, airlines require him to buy the entire row. But he wasn’t always like this. Lovehandles used to be an Olympic track athlete. During his event at the 2004 Olympic games in Grease, he was about to win the gold medal when suddenly, he stopped to smell the aroma of a chocolate doughnut. By the time he snapped out of it, he had lost the race.
Lovehandles realized that once you hit the bottom of the mayonnaise jar, the only place left to go is up. And so rather than eating his sorrow, he decided to share his love for food with the world.
Mortimer is a thug. Growing up, he was such a bully that even his teachers gave him their lunch money. Mortimer is a huge man of fearsome stature and simply put, you never ever complain about Sleazburger’s food. NEVER. Mortimer gets what he wants and is more than happy to use brute force to ensure you never leave visibly dissatisfied. Mortimer brings his twin cleavers—“Slice” and ”Dice”—everywhere, even when he’s not in the kitchen. Mortimer’s “expertise” has always gone to the highest bidder. If some people are said to be rough around the edges, then Mortimer is like a pineapple covered in sandpaper.
He used to work for Pork Knuckles, but Stroganov recently offered more, so he “cooks” for the Potluck Party. Given Antoine’s tremendous wealth, he is more than willing to lend a cleaver.
Pork Knuckles is a sneaky, conniving criminal mastermind who runs the Culinary Underworld. Rumor has it that he knows the primary supplier of the Mystery Mart. Pork Knuckles is an expert in sabotage who takes great joy in sneaking into the kitchens of his enemies in order to collapse their soufflés, boil their steaks, and replace all butter with low-calorie, non-dairy substitutes.
At times, Pork Knuckles employs Mortimer for his... talents, but they had a falling out after the Rising Sun discovered that Mortimer was the one who had planted cockroaches in their dojo. Pork Knuckles has financial interests with Antoine and is willing to cut deals with Stroganov. But at the end of the day, he trusts no one but himself.
Antoine was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. His family literally invented bread. The Baguettes are so ridiculously wealthy that they use Euros for tissue, buy new clothes instead of doing laundry, and live in a mansion made up of other mansions. His favorite pastimes include Ultimate Laptop (which is just like Ultimate Frisbee... except with a laptop) and playing Battleship (just like the game, but for reals).
After squandering a hefty portion of the family fortune on frivolities like diamond-encrusted chopsticks, Antoine found himself cut off from his parents, who decided it was time for their son to find his own way in the world. For the first time in his life, Antoine found himself looking for something he had only heard rumors about: a job. As a man of high taste, he figured running a restaurant was probably the most relaxing, low stress job to start with. After all, “my incompetent chefs always made it look easy anyway.
Antoine has some financial interests with Pork Knuckles and at times is willing to utilize Mortimer’s expertise. But his real loyalties remain with anyone with money. End of story.
Angus doesn’t say much outside the kitchen. Even inside, much of what he says are cooking instructions. He commands the respect of all those under his spatula and is never without a smile, yet few things are known about him. Some say he once cooked for the emperor, others say he stopped a Mongolian BBQ invasion with a single bowl of soup. But what all do agree on is that Angus is a legend.
He is friends with Gohan and desires peace for all... unless you make the mistake of crossing woks with him.
Stroganov grew up in the harsh winters of Serbia, lived through the Coldfood War, and even survived the food fights of the Battle of Stalinburger. Stroganov is a staunch patriot of the Soviet Onion and a firm believer of the ideals of the Potluck Party, which seeks to redistribute food so that there is equality for all... so long as there is more equality for those in power.
Officially, Stroganov came to the United Steaks of America to retire, but in truth, he was recently inducted into the KGB (Kitchen Gulag Brigade) and his assignment is to steal recipes for the glory of the Red Apron.
Stroganov fears no one nor has any friends. All he needs is Mother Onion.
Phyllis is the orphaned twin sister of Lovehandles. Separated at birth, Lovehandles was adopted by a well-to-do family while Phyllis was adopted by Ma and Pa. She grew up with 13 adopted siblings, 5 half-cousins, 2 cats and a hot dog out in Trailer Pork County. Phyllis quickly became the family cook after she realized that she had a knack for creative, cost-effective solutions. Some of her acclaimed ideas include the tennis racquet pasta strainer and the ice cube sandwich. Eventually she and her entire family decided to turn their six person trailer into a mobile home/food truck/banquet hall called the Greasy Bucket. Her culinary absurdity and penchant for penny pinching landed her a job as the lunch lady of a local school cafeteria. She aspires to make edible food and not get caught for violating health code violations.
Phyllis has a thing for Fuego, is drawn to Mortimer’s brawn, and has only recently found out that she is long lost twins with Lovehandles. She does not like Kim and does not mind working with Knuckles.
Biff has never been the sharpest knife in the rack, but what he lacks in brains, he makes up for in grill skills and bicep diameter. Biff doesn’t believe in eating vegetables. Period. His yearbook senior quote: “I only eat things that had parents.”
A perpetual gym rat, Biff was about to start his own line of “Bro-tein” supplements, but after he heard that Gardena and her evil organization VEGANA were opening a vegan restaurant in town, he knew that there was only one man epic enough to stop the pro-vegetable onslaught. Thus he founded MEAT (Meat Everyday, All the Time) whose sole purpose is to propagate the consumption of animals.
Naturally, Biff’s archenemy and sworn nemesis is Gardena. To quote Biff during their last encounter, “I don’t appreciate you eating my food’s food.” Biff finds Phyllis’s habit of substituting meats for one another disrespectful, but he’s good friends with Lovehandles and admires Pork Knuckles because, well his name is Pork Knuckles.
Frieda Broomhilda Bierzeller is from the hamlet of Hamburg and the current ambassador to Frankfurter. She is known in her small village to be the most eligible of bachelorettes and has had many suitors, but none have been able to tie the knot. She has won several beauty pageants where she showcased her skills of pretzel making, flower arrangement, and her specialty: power lifting. She earned the nickname—the “Hammer of Hamburg”—at a recent pageant where she lifted as many as 1200 bratwursts into her mouth without a single helping of sauerkraut and cracked a barrel of roasted chestnuts between her lederhosens... all while baking a batch of cookies for the nearby orphanage.
Affectionately known as the “Friend of Children,” Frieda’s love for cooking comes from her desire to raise money for the orphanage in town that is almost entirely funded by her humble pastry shop which is famous for their berry strudels and their Sauerkraut and Herring Brownie Mounds, which taste so foul that they are regularly utilized as suspect interrogation tools for local law enforcement... (but Frieda doesn’t know that). Though a naturally gentle soul, she has often been known to smash the counters with her trusty rolling pin, Schnitzelmaker, to enforce order in the kitchen, and occasionally scare away nearby competition.
Señor Fuego once proposed to Frieda with a mariachi band playing in the background, a rose in his mouth and a song in his heart, but she rejected him because he did not share her love for children. As founding members of the Fuego Fan club, Phyllis and Gardena are quick to show their contempt for Frieda at every opportunity they get. Frieda is close friends with Dolly Butterscotch because before Frieda was a chef, she used to babysit Dolly’s children when she was studying abroad and they have been baking buddies ever since.
Kelly is a customer service specialist and long time assistant (to the) regional manager at Blunder Muffins, a company that specializes in selling surplus, about-to-expire baked goods. Led by her bumbling boss, Michael Tater Tots, Kelly often has to remind herself to “Keep Calm and Curry On.”
Equal parts tenacious and shrewd, Kelly is an expert businesswoman who breezed through Blunder Muffins’s minority executive training program at Kale University. She even launched her own startup, WUPHF (We Use Perfectly Hideous Food) which specializes in buying crates of damaged ingredients at insane discounts and turning them into world class table fare.
But success is nothing new to Kelly. As a child, Kelly was part of an all girl cooking crew called the Spice Rack. Alongside her teammates, Cinnamon Spice, All Spice, Pumpkin Spice and Porky Spice, Kelly “Indian Spice” Carbpoor had a 10 year run as the most famous all girl cooking squad of all time. Kelly is climbing her way back into the limelight as a culinary solo with the belief that “I will take you on an exotic carpet ride and show you a ‘Whole New Planet’ of flavor” to prove that she’s more than a child has-been, but someone who can make it in the big leagues of New Deli . . .
She has been on several dates with Biff. Kelly thinks Biff is sweet but kind of dense, but she is also a fan of cheesecake, and they’re pretty much the same thing. Biff is very fond of Kelly, which places Gardena at an awkward position since she would love to recruit Kelly into V.E.G.A.N.A., but she must also secretly hate her in principle since Biff is her ex fiance. She really enjoys going to Reggae’s last minute parties for a place to unwind and deglaze.
Dolly will proudly tell you, “I haven’t had a lick of formal training, but that doesn’t mean I can’t make a mean plate of food.” But as a stay at home mom, everyday she provides three square meals to her husband and their seven ravenous young children who can devour a banquet of food like a pack of savage animals. Dolly is the five time country fair baking champion for her muffins, cookies, cornbread and her famous Sourcream and Bunion rolls. It is here that Dolly earned the nickname the “Dairy Godmother,” adding a stick of butter and a cup of cream to all her magical dishes.
As a strong believer in Southern hospitality, she loves to open up her home and to host sumptuous feasts for anyone. Despite her rambunctious children, she is a woman of class and a graduate of the southern debutante society. Jovial, cheerful and “udderly” hilarious she loves to make people laugh and makes it her personal mission to make put a smile on anyone who seems to be “laughtose intolerant”.
In her free time . . . well, between feeding her kids, picking them up from school, doing their laundry, taking them to their different activities, feeding them again and then trying to be a good wife, she never really has any free time. But if she did have free time Dolly would love to play with her two dogs Brisket and Blondie and read cookbooks, with her favorite being Tequila Mockingbird.
As the homemaker of a large family, she is the “Queen of Coupon Clipping” who makes it her personal mission to scour the grocery ads, comparing the weight and quality of each grocer in order to get “the most bang for her butter” by using her careful algorithm derived from the economic principle of her children’s “cry and demand.”
Frieda is her close friend and always grateful when Auntie Bierzeller comes to watch her children so that she can get a break. She once entered a cooking competition with Frieda as her sous chef and they would have won, but they lost on a technicality to Angus Khan and Gohan Sushido and is eager to face her rivals once more. She finds Stroganov, Pork Knuckles and Mortimer to all be uncultured, brash ruffians.
Prescott was born in Eatingburgh and grew up in the humble impoverished home of a baker and was arranged to be married to the miller’s daughter . . . until he was crowned emperor of the United Wingdom when he famously pulled the Sword from the Scone by accident, at the age of 12 when he was a busboy looking for clean silverware. He currently resides in BurningHam Palace and if one wants to visit him, they must first kiss his royal scepter, never let their head be above his and always address him as “His Majesty.” After ascending to the throne, he insisted that he be known as Prescott T. Worthington III (even though there was never a first or a second).
When he’s not in the kitchen, his favorite pastimes include cricket, afternoon tea, and of course, taxing the poor. Well educated and a high connoisseur of the arts, Prescott is an avid reader of William MilkShakespeare, with his favorite work being “The Taming of the Stew.” He believes that the proper way to drink tea is to have one pinky extended at all times.
He is also known to be a champion cheeseroller, which if you aren’t familiar, is a sport in which you chase a large roll of cheese down a hill. Prescott has been the undisputed national champion for nearly a decade, which may in part be related to the high tariffs which make other contestants unable afford anything beyond a dish of water and a crust of bread.
His arch nemesis and sworn enemy is Antoine Baguette, whose families have been feuding for the better part of a century in what has become termed the “Hundred Beers War.” The issue? The age old question of “which came first, the chicken or the waffle?”
Pita was born in Grease and raised among the Sporktans who were renowned for their dining discipline, superb knife skills and their legendary feats of culinary achievement. His mother always told him, “come back with your plate . . . or on it.” Despite being the runt among his peers, he went from “Bummus to Hummus” by completing what became known as the “12 Labors of Pita” when he grilled the Nemean Lion and and served all the heads of Lernean Piedra. As one of the few living Gastronomers left, Pita is able to see the future by reading the starch in the sky and the rumblings in his belly, thereby allowing him to change his culinary strategy at a moment’s notice.
There was once a time when 10,000 Persian seagulls ascended above his restaurant so that it blotted out the sun. To this Pita answered, “then they will dine in the shade” as he served an onslaught of hungry tourists and gained the moniker, “Grillmaster of the Hotgates.”
Pita gets along with with just about everyone. He has a deep respect for General Stroganov and considers him to be a brother in arms after they made a name for themselves at the Battle of the Bulge by pushing through their full stomachs and single handedly devouring an entire battalion of Panzersnakt Battle Pastries with nothing but a spork and an iron stomach. He believes Prescott to be a loose lipped pretentious tyrant.
No one is really sure how old Abuela is, but her homeland of Pearu boasts that 12% of its inhabitants can somehow trace their lineage back to Abuela’s family line. She was declared a national treasure because her mind is said to be the world’s most extensive living library of the culinary arts.
Even though Abuela typically smells of boiled cabbage, house slippers, and pungent ceviche, her food is said to have inspired the praise and adoration of nobility throughout history. The Snacksonian Institute is replete with black and white pictures, lithographs, and mosaics depicting a chef who looks suspiciously similar to Abuela, cooking for foreign dignitaries such as Sir Loin Beef, Julius Caesar Salad, and Napoleon Sconeaparte. Several years ago, Abuela became a local hero when her likeness miraculously appeared on a pan chuta in a neighborhood bakery, resulting in what became known as the Immaculate Confection.
Using a plethora of secret family recipes, Abuela is the master of creating great home cooked meals, even when conventional ingredients are nowhere to be found. As she often says, “necessity is the grandmother of invention” and “comida es comida.”
Abuela is the only person that Pork Knuckles fears as she used to babysit Mortimer and Stroganov. Abuela is deeply respected by Fuego, Tien, and Biff. All the other chefs underestimate her as a competitor because she moves so slowly... but the proof is in the mazamorra…
Reggae Tony is loud, high energy and loves to throw last minute Rasta Pasta parties. What he lacks in the polish and formal training that other chefs have, Reggae makes up for it with his explosive speed and creativity. Much of his culinary inspiration comes from his favorite movie “Cool Bunnings”, which is about a track team that becomes a competitive bobsled team . . . and then becomes a competitive ice cream sandwich making team.
When he’s not in the kitchen, his daughters know him as “Super Dad” and Reggae responds by telling them that they are always “Jamaican Me Crazy!” Not all chefs wear aprons, and not all heroes wear capes, but when Reggae’s at home cooking up breakfast for the little ones, he wears both. When his kids are near danger, he has been known to reach super human levels of agility and strength in order to dive head first in order to protect his kids from owies, ouchies and boo-boos.
On account of his explosive speed in the kitchen, his massive fan base claim the following: When Reggae slices onions, onions cry. Reggae can cut a hot knife with butter. Reggae can unscramble eggs. Reggae can bake a cake using a freezer and actually CAN believe it's not butter. Reggae can pick apple trees from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you ever tasted.
Reggae’s “Island Living” cooking style and philosophy allows him to move faster than most by connecting his cooking to musical rhythm. Reggae’s favorite song? “I Shot the Shallot, But I Did Not Puree the Celery” by Bob Barley.
Reggae and Biff are workout buddies. At the gym, they don’t talk much to each other. They just give each other tacit approval through head nods and grunts from afar. Reggae shares a fierce but jovial rivalry with Gohan Sushido because both of them have been named the fastest knives in their homelands.
Trendsetter, experimentalist, risk taker and lover of Wok and Roll, Tiên grew up in a high pressure, crazy wealthy household from a family that somehow managed to acquire the patent on rice noodles. When it came to grades, mother always said, “A is Average, B is Below Average, C is Can’t Have Dinner, D is Don’t Come Home, and F is Find Another Family.” Even though she does want to bring honor to her family, Tiên has never believed in just doing what’s always been done, saying that “tradition is just peer pressure from dead people.” Thus, it has always been Tiên’s dream to have a noodle house, a white picket fence, and 2.4 million followers on Instaglam and Foodbook. . . all of which she achieved before turning 25 and thus becoming crazy wealthy in her own right. Her speed and precision in the kitchen have made her a “strong independent woman who don’t need no sous chef.”
Known for preparing food that is just as beautiful as she is, Tiên is an Instaglam model that continues to be the envy of young aspiring chefettes even as she ages gracefully into her late 30’s. She teaches her followers that healthy, balanced eating always has room for a donut or two. She’s sweet, personable, and well adored by all her fans . . . but when the pan gets hot, this rose has thorns. She doesn’t like to make enemies, but if she has to put herself out there, then she’s going to make sure that she’s heard. Once when she went to pick up her pastry reservation at a well-known bakery and was denied service, Tiên immediately made several phone calls, purchased Flancaster Sweets while still in the store, and proceeded to fire the entire kitchen staff.
She popularized the “Shelfie” before it was cool, when markets began to give her free groceries in exchange for promoting them via posting glamor shots of herself while shopping at local grocery stores. The more old, rundown and dirty, the better. She’s a fierce competitor and her tagline in any cooking competition is, “It’s Time to Win for Tiên Tú Nguyen!”
Her family and Antoine Baguette’s family have had a complicated past as two of the titans of the food industry that have seen themselves as both temporary business partners and griddled rivals. She and Frieda get along just fine, but both think that the other’s culture and way of life is very strange. She gets along really well with Kim and they often share recipes with each other. What Tiên doesn’t know is that she is Kim’s role model and the reason Kim began cooking in the first place. Kim secretly wishes she could be both as popular and as beautiful as Tiên when she gets older.